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So I just got back from my doctor after hearing my baby's heartbeat for the first time. I dont really know how do describe the feeling. I dont think it is possible to understand until one day a doctor puts some cold weird jelly on your belly and you hear a speedy little lub dub coming from your own body. Incredible! This was a big milestone for me being at 14 weeks pregnant. Watching friends lose their pregnancy in these few fragile weeks has put some fear into me. I keep thinking that I dont deserve a healthy pregnancy any more than they deserved to lose their babies. I still look at my beautiful 15 month old daughter and wonder why God allowed me to have such an amazing child and now he is letting me go for another. I sometimes feel guilty even wanting more children. It seems like when someone gives you a present and you're like" hey thanks this is great, how bout some more". What a selfish child I am.