The Surrender of Freedom
I have always been a very vivid dreamer. Often when I am sleeping and dreaming I am fully aware that I am dreaming. I can control my choices in my dreams and wonder what is going to happen next. I dream in great detail and more than often wake in the morning to remember the details of these dreams. I wish they were useful but most of the time they are just so odd that they are more entertaining than useful.
Recently though I was given a dream unlike anything I had experienced before. I was standing in a beautiful meadow in the mountains. There was breathtaking scenery all around me. As I stood there I realized that I was back to back with someone. We were completely attached to each other, but not tied to one another. We could have broken apart at any moment had either of us chosen to do so. Instead we stayed leaning against each other, holding each other up. Our movements were exactly synchronized. Our minds seemed to be one. Suddenly we lept. We were immediately soaring. Together we flew through clouds and then back to the ground. I had no control over my movements and yet I was perfectly relaxed. The being on my back flew gracefully over mountain ranges and then back to let our bare feet touch gently on green lush grass and then dip our toes into cool glacier lakes. We were like a leaf riding on the wind, twirling and spinning and gliding. We travelled at breakneck speed, scenery racing below us, and yet it felt as though we were simply riding on a graceful breeze. Our movements continued as one, in perfect surrender to each other. It was absolutely exhilarating. I have never felt so free. There was no fear, just an overwhelming calm. Just two partners lost in an amazing dance through natures most glorious displays. There was no struggle for who would lead, no worry that someone else was watching. All my human inhabitions disappeared in those moments as we danced together. I never wanted it to end. Then gently we landed. The two of us wordlessly parted ways. I never saw my partners face. Then as I began to walk away I realized that all along beside us were bleachers lined with spectators. All these people had been watching our intimate dance. Then I woke.
It has taken me months to pondered this dream. I knew instantly this was not one of my usual pointless brain rambling dreams. This was a gift with a meaning. As time has passed I have come to realize that my partner was definately the Holy spirit. He gave me a chance to see what it truly means to submit to his control, His life. I have always had such a control complex, trust issues if you will. I am so deathly afraid of what completely surrendering to someone really means. I have viewed it as a cage. I beleived that by giving up my free will I was saying that God could poke and prod me and bend me to whatever he felt at that particular moment in time. I wouldnt be able to fight. Surely I could take better care of myself.
Last sunday during worship we were singing " where the Spirit of the Lord is there is FREEDOM" As I sang I was whisked back into that dream again. I was flying, soaring in complete submission to my partner. I was free again. I realized that all my fears of losing control are exactly what hold me back from truly being free. Ive been experiencing life with my feet firmly planted on the soil never dreaming that it was possible to fly, never realizing that true freedom comes from giving up my "rights" to control my destiny. When I submit my will to Christ he is capable of taking me to new heights and he never drops me.
The end of my dream still perplexes me but I wonder if it doesnt show how I so candidly can walk away from what was given me and quickly turn to the spectators for approval. Or maybe it shows that as we take this journey of life there are always people watching from the sidelines who learn from our choices as christians. Without speaking a word, our dance with the creator can speak volumes. Hmmmm
Recently though I was given a dream unlike anything I had experienced before. I was standing in a beautiful meadow in the mountains. There was breathtaking scenery all around me. As I stood there I realized that I was back to back with someone. We were completely attached to each other, but not tied to one another. We could have broken apart at any moment had either of us chosen to do so. Instead we stayed leaning against each other, holding each other up. Our movements were exactly synchronized. Our minds seemed to be one. Suddenly we lept. We were immediately soaring. Together we flew through clouds and then back to the ground. I had no control over my movements and yet I was perfectly relaxed. The being on my back flew gracefully over mountain ranges and then back to let our bare feet touch gently on green lush grass and then dip our toes into cool glacier lakes. We were like a leaf riding on the wind, twirling and spinning and gliding. We travelled at breakneck speed, scenery racing below us, and yet it felt as though we were simply riding on a graceful breeze. Our movements continued as one, in perfect surrender to each other. It was absolutely exhilarating. I have never felt so free. There was no fear, just an overwhelming calm. Just two partners lost in an amazing dance through natures most glorious displays. There was no struggle for who would lead, no worry that someone else was watching. All my human inhabitions disappeared in those moments as we danced together. I never wanted it to end. Then gently we landed. The two of us wordlessly parted ways. I never saw my partners face. Then as I began to walk away I realized that all along beside us were bleachers lined with spectators. All these people had been watching our intimate dance. Then I woke.
It has taken me months to pondered this dream. I knew instantly this was not one of my usual pointless brain rambling dreams. This was a gift with a meaning. As time has passed I have come to realize that my partner was definately the Holy spirit. He gave me a chance to see what it truly means to submit to his control, His life. I have always had such a control complex, trust issues if you will. I am so deathly afraid of what completely surrendering to someone really means. I have viewed it as a cage. I beleived that by giving up my free will I was saying that God could poke and prod me and bend me to whatever he felt at that particular moment in time. I wouldnt be able to fight. Surely I could take better care of myself.
Last sunday during worship we were singing " where the Spirit of the Lord is there is FREEDOM" As I sang I was whisked back into that dream again. I was flying, soaring in complete submission to my partner. I was free again. I realized that all my fears of losing control are exactly what hold me back from truly being free. Ive been experiencing life with my feet firmly planted on the soil never dreaming that it was possible to fly, never realizing that true freedom comes from giving up my "rights" to control my destiny. When I submit my will to Christ he is capable of taking me to new heights and he never drops me.
The end of my dream still perplexes me but I wonder if it doesnt show how I so candidly can walk away from what was given me and quickly turn to the spectators for approval. Or maybe it shows that as we take this journey of life there are always people watching from the sidelines who learn from our choices as christians. Without speaking a word, our dance with the creator can speak volumes. Hmmmm
posted by Stahled at
3:01 PM
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